Friday 24 February 2012

learning to read

I am one of them parents who is abit slack in the whole homework - reading books - spelling test department, most probably branded as a irresponsible parent by the teachers at my childrens schools when their home to school books get left with no comments in from me, and school books left untouched at the bottom of the book bag.

But let me explain why its this way, as it wasn't always like this, when my eldest started school as a eager 4 year old he was happy to pick up books and flick through the pages, he would happily bring me his words to learn, I wrote in the home to school book every night with what words we'd 'learnt' and the next day he would bring home more and more, but as things started to get harder and he started to struggle more I noticed his spark fade, he would turn his nose up at any book, and his interest in reading was fast becoming a hate!

The more I pushed the reading at home the more upset he would become. His confidence was being knocked as he struggled more and more. He went from a little boy who enjoyed me reading him stories to a boy who would do anything to avoid going anywhere near a book!


His struggles with reading and writing started to grow more and more apparent as time passed, and his peers shot ahead of him in that department, he really did try his hardest but things were not easy for him, he constantly mixed up letters reversing them, he could not grasp phonics and reading was a real struggle. Time was passing and it seemed that because he was taking longer to grasp the basics he was getting more and more behind as the rest of his peers marched on.

At the time, he attended the local village school, a tiny school with only a 5 other pupils in his year group, the school helped as much as they could but with the sheer number of peers his difficulties were ever more apparent to him, the teachers constantly told me he worked hard, tried his best and was well behaved much liked member of the class, but to him not being able to just do the things so easily like the others, with no one else in the same position as him, knocked his confidence.

I hated seeing his confidence dropping, I hated the arguments dragging out his school books brought  up, I hated knowing that he had probably spent the past  6 hours feeling inadequate at school and then making it ever more apparent when we pulled out the school books at home, having a sister who is in the year below at school wasn't helping, he is the older brother, but struggled more, it was negative in so many aspects so I stopped. I decided forcing him to read a few lines in a school book, was not going to make him suddenly grasp the concepts he needed, and all it was doing was reinforcing the fact he wasn't very good at it. My frustrations were rising and as ashamed as I am to admit it, I would shout at him for 'not trying hard enough.' I am not a teacher, I did not know how to teach him what he needed.

So that was it, enough was enough, I decided I would no longer put him through the nightly struggle wasting the few hours between coming home and eating tea, bathing and going to bed, with anger and frustration, upset and humiliation. No, enough was enough, I wanted him to have at least some time in the day just being.. playing.. laughing... not worrying about how hard it was, or how he should beable to do it. I wanted to beable to praise him for things and tell him he was doing well. I wanted to go outside and climb trees, ride our bikes and learn about the world instead of being sat inside anguishing over a school book.


So fast forward,  we ignored the home school diary, we left the school books in his bag and spent time having fun. When he was going into year 4 we moved house, and schools, a huge difference in schools, this school has more pupils in each year group than the old school had total children! Jake still struggles, but his confidence is growing, we still don't read the school books, but I love catching him reading for pleasure.


 When Mikey started school last September, I have from the word go been a 'irresponsible' mother. Not commenting much at all in his home to school book.

I don't sit him down and force feed him the words he brings home in his word pocket, I want to do it a different way, with Jake we 'learnt' the words he would bring home in reception, he seemed to be keeping up to begin with, it was later that it was noticeable he hadn't grasped any of the concepts at all, so with Mikey I don't want to rush him, I don't want to write how amazingly well he knows the three words in his bag today so that tomorrow he gets another three, with no real regard to if he actually understands the phonics behind the words we've parrot style learnt that day, to be forgot the next week.

So we play games, we have fun, and we stick his phonics to the bathroom wall whilst in the bath!


Learning in a fun way is definitely the order of the day!

21 comments:

  1. I agree, I feel they learn better when they dont realise they are learning. we played junior scrabble the other night (Bob was dressed in his spidy-man outfit)which progressed to all the letter tiles on the floor with the kids making words at their individual levels. His letter recognition and sounding out are very good for alittle boy who has averaged 1 day a week at school since he started back last August.

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    1. All three of mine love playing with the bannanagram tiles and making the words up to their own levels :) Glad Bob is doing ok x

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  2. Identify completely! R has a photographic memory so he knows his high frequency words, not sure if he is reading or remembering.

    Dragging children kicking and up the Oxford Reading Tree will not a happy bunch of readers make.

    Love the hot air balloons!

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    1. The balloons are the ones we get from school to learn, being non conventional we found putting them in the bath works well ;)

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  3. Well done for finding a way that works for your boys xx

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    1. thank you I don't know if its the right way but we can only do what we think is best can't we :) x

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  4. Its just so hard to find the balance isn't it? My 4 year old is in year R, and is at the stage where he quite likes reading his books and his words, and is doing brilliantly, but I want him to enjoy, I don't want to push him too hard. So like you, we've been making up games and fun ways to learn.

    Its so important to make time to play and have fun too isn't it?

    xx

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    1. Mikey is doing ok, he knows all his sounds and a fair few of the key words, he too is in Reception :) It is difficult I think you just have t do what you think is best x

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  5. As a teacher who is always telling the mothers that they must read every day with their children, it is very interesting to read the other side of the story. I think it's very important for teachers to realise that the parents might not simply be 'lazy' about reading and homework, but might have made a conscious decision based on what they feel is right for their child in the contxt of thier family. Thank you for this honest account, it's given me a lot to think about.

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    1. thanks for the teachers view, I am sure Mikeys Teachers really do think I just don't care, because they are a new school Jake and Chloe do not attened the same school and they didn't see me being the dutiful mum commenting in the books everynight for years making no progress, but Mikey is doing well and I understand the importance of reading with them but I don't want them to miss the key points of the language or to loose the enjoyment of sharing a book. :)

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  6. *context *their I wouldn't have bothered correcting the typos but having stated that I'm a teacher...

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  7. I think Mum's know best. You have to do what is right for you and your family. People learn at different rates. Just because one child can read really well doesn't mean that another will be the same.

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    1. yes learnign to read isn't easy and some children like my eldest genuinely struggle, luckily he is getting alot of support from hsi new school and has progressed alot in the past 6 months :) His confidence is still realy low and thats my main worry and why I don't push things too much, I never know if its the right attitude to have but it sure makes for a happier house

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  8. Don't you just love: "Midlife Singlemum". Her comments are always so measured and thoughtful.
    Great post and I can empathise.
    Liska x

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    1. Midlife Singemum certainly is a lovely :) Thanks for poping over here too Liska, these children always give us soemthign to worry about and question our parenting skills don't they :)

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    2. Aw shucks *blushes* you two. Nice to read though - thanks.

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  9. I think being relaxed about it is the way to go - whatever that involves. I was pushed and pushed and hated it, so try to be relaxed about our daughter and her reading. If she looks to be tired and strugggling - we leave it - but if she wants to read and show us what she knows -thats great.

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    1. I agree being pushed doesn't make anyone happy :) thanks for taking the tie to comment :) x

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  10. I think it's best not to be too pushy with their learning but to make it fun instead. I will play games with my four year old he thinks we're playing but what he doesn't know is that he is actually learning and it's fun too. Try the race track game, draw s race track, segment it and in each segment write a word. Place a counter on a word and roll a dice, every time they land on a word they have to spell it out. Try to see how many thru can get in a minute and start with simple words at first then add in a few tricky ones.
    This game works well for my boy, who may I add loves me to read to him hut gets too bored and loses concentration when hr has to read

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    1. oh that sounds like a good game thanks I will give that a try with all three of them, I could have three lanes and each lane have differnet words geared to their level, but we could all play together... finding things to do together is always a hard one because they all vary in ability so much :o/

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  11. I think my three are about the same age as yours - and like you having happy children is more important to me than their work, at this stage of their education. I do keep an eye out for any signs of crumbling confidence though, because it can follow them through school and on, if you don't find a way of dealing with it. Sounds like you found the best way to help your son's confidence grow x

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