Friday 16 March 2012

you'll make him gay!

I saw a story the other day about a 5 year old boy who had never had his hair cut, and now had lovely long wavy blond locks rolling down his back, however since starting school he had asked for it to be cut, and his parents are now going to take him for his first ever hair cut.

Now you see stories like this always get people saying oh silly parents, cut the boys hair, but a boy having long hair will not effect his mental state, is not a form of neglect like some people would happily shout. The comments on the article in The Sun are just crazy!

I have, in the past, been told that I will 'make my boys gay!' and other such comments, when my youngest would refused to play in the paddling pool unless he had his sisters swimming costume on - and neglectful mother that I am allowed him!

Little boy wearing pink

I never minded when he choose to sit and play with the bratz or the glittery pink sparkly toys, and put on his sisters pink hats and make up.

It never worried me because he also loves to play rough and tumble games with his brother, and dress up as Spiderman, climb trees find bugs. I wouldn't mind if indeed he did decided he was gay, as long as my children are happy and have the confidence to be themselves then that is fine by me.

Child long blond messy hair on trampoline

Other silly comments you hear when boys play with dolls or have long hair is 'bet the mum wanted a girl!'

I certainly didn't desperate want a girl, I already have a much loved daughter, but even if I only had boys it truly wouldn't bother me. I simply allowed all my children to experiment and explorer with everything life has to offer, both  my boys and my daughter, (who loves nothing better than to find bugs, frogs and generally get as muddy as possible outdoors!) have been allowed to become whoever they want to.

girl with frog countryside children mucky fun
That simple childhood innocence with none of the limitations that come with the expectations of the adult world doesn't last for long so I am perfectly happy to allow them to find their own personalities before those expectations are forced upon them.

Little boy with blond hair in the country
Haircuts however are abit different, young children can not make the choice to have their hair cut, so certainly in the first 3 or 4 years the style of hair is a parents choice, I will admit I am not at all kean on haircuts, I pretty much avoid hairdressers at all costs, but really the reason my boys have longer hair is simply because I think it is cute!

 I know some may say that's not fair on the child, but whos to say cutting your sons hair really short is what your son actually wants? In those first few years surely as parents we're allowed some input in our childrens lives, as long as when they are old enough to express an opinion you take that into consideration then I am fine for little boys to sport lovely long locks.

Blond long hair little boy outside

My boys haven't got as long hair as the boy mentioned above, they have had several hair cuts over the years, at their discretion; if they ask to have their hairs cut then they can, the fact I love them with longer hair has no bearing on their own opinions and even when they ask for their hair to be cut short and my heart sinks, it doesn't mean I refuse.

 I am aware that hair has that lovely ability to keep growing back!


30 comments:

  1. I am with you on this! My eldest boy is a sensitive soul and will quite happily push a pram around and use his imagination. All three of my kids want me to pretend to put make up on, and my youngest boy has the longest curliest hair because I can't bear to chop the curls off. If he ever wants it cut, of course that is his choice but he looks so cute. You can't make a child gay - what ridiculousness, and even if any of mine did tell me they were, it is neither here nor there, what counts is the kind of person they are! Great post. x

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    1. Thanks for commenting little boys with curls are oh so cute hope you can keep your littles ones curls for abit longer before gettign them chopped :) x

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  2. Lovely post and close to my heart with my free spirited, long haired Freddy! People are so quick to judge and make ridiculous comments. Allowing children to be exactly who they want to be is helping them develop into well rounded individuals. Gorgeous photos of your children :)

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    1. Thanks Wendy, I love free spirited little boys like your Freddy :) x

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  3. Sarah, it is so true, my little lad (after two girls) plays dress up in those little plastic heals, he gets make up put on him, i dont let his hair get too long, because i dont like having to try and brush long hair with a wriggly little man, but on the other hand i wont cut his hair very short with clippers because, i think little boys with hair like that look like thugs (this is my opinion others can do what they want with their kids hair) so i go with a happy medium :-D why is pink for girls and blue for boys, because people say it is......

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    1. I agree with really short hair, I always say it maes them loo too normal when their hair is cut short lol I love the fact having longer hair makes them more unique x

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  4. My 2.5 year old son has gorgeous long locks too and I won't let anyone cut it off! He is allowed a trim so that it does not fall into his eyes but I like it long, he looks cute! He has no idea whether his hair is long or short or different to anyone elses, it is just hair that he resists having washed. My in laws are Greek and they put a lot of pressure on me to cut it saying that he looks like a girl and cutting the hair keeps it strong but I'm not ready to give in just yet! The comments to you about making your child gay are inappropriate and quite offensive though! I hope you put them in their place! Really interesting topic, thanks for posting.

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    1. Boys with longer hair sure do look cute my mum always suggests getting my boys hairs cut too but they are only young once`they will soon be telling us exsactly how THEY want it xx

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  5. Great post. My son has started playing more with dolls since his sister arrived. I have been accused by my MIL of making him gay! It's such a ridiculous thing to say. My son loves having his haircut and asks every time we go past the hairdressers if he can have it cut.

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    1. its so much more fun playing with your sisters toys :)

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  6. I remember my hubby's face when I came home with a buggy and a doll for my wee one. John loves to play with dolls and his favourite thing at the moment is wearing my shoes and putting on scarves! I am totally comfortable with him exploring everything that life has to offer him. I am here to support him to be who he wants to be not to shape him into who I want him to be. He also has longer hair although my cousin cuts it every couple of months because it is so thick and curly it ends up untameable!

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    1. I think most little boys love to play with dolls :) x

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  7. my son is always dressing up in his cousins ballerina dresses and princess costumes, i have no problem with it at all, what ever make him happy :) x

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    1. I agree happiness is the only important thing, just sometimes society frowns on the things that make us happy x

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  8. Good for you. I hate hearing nonsense like 'his dad would go mad if I put him in a pink top'. What a load of tosh! My boys play with whatever they like, whether it's a car or a pushchair. So long as they're happy I don't care about anything else. Great post and lovely photos x

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    1. thank you, I love to see boys playing with dolls and wearing a princess dress, as much as I love seeing a girl climb trees :) x

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  9. We have no problems with our boy (also Jake!) wearing tights, they're just practical. not sure about the shocking pink tho...

    I have to admit to being old-fashioned about hair though, I tend to think boys sometimes look a bit odd with long hair. Jake really suits short hair though I think

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  10. Me again. Having looked again at the photos here though I think your children all look great just as they are :)

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    1. Thansk for commenting :) I must admit these photos don't really do the long hair is great much justice with them showing how messy it can look, but they showed the freedom point i thought x I do like boys with short hair, its just I like it long too! :) x

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  11. This is an excellent post and it's something I have thought about a lot-the whole 'you'll make him gay' thing. I get it a lot from my in-laws because I let Joshua play with dollies and walk around with an old handbag of mine and sometimes he even wear a sparkly hairband!! I think the hair thing is totally up to us, I've not cut Joshi's hair yet and there is nothing wrong with either of us allowing our sons to have longer hair! x

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    1. Mikey went through a spell of wearing pretty necklaces for ages but now he wouldn't let me dress him in girly clothes, they find their own identity and while they are young theres nothing you can do that will 'make them gay' if they happen to be gay later in life it would have no bearing on if they wore their mums shoes and hairbands xx

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  12. Brilliant post! I think lung children should be allowed to explore their identity and not pushed into stereotypes while they are young.

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  13. Sorry it wouldn't let me edit. I obviously meant young children!

    Many to say I only have girls so don't know how I would actually behave wit boys. I prefer shorter boys haircuts myself but if they wanted to have longer hair I think i would let them.

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    1. I think some boys just don't suit long hair, and others look great with longer hair, I'm not sure I'd let my boys have hair longer than Chloes but then I guess if they wanted it really long then why not, I guess its the same with girls havign really short hair, but less people seem to have opinions on that, its always more aceptable for girls to have relaly short cuts.

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  14. I've also mentioned this post here http://atwentysomethingmum.blogspot.com/p/weekly-round-up.html

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  15. It is crazy that people actually say these things. Boys will be boys. It is only natural for them to experiment. My younger brother had a toy make up set when he was a kid! It has done him no harm. He had his own dolly and pushchair and I can't see the problem.

    If Leo wants to wear pink or have long hair then that is fine with me. xxx

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  16. You can always count on The Sun for the usual comments about gender stereotypes etc. Sounds like your approach is spot on to me!

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  17. Great post here, I totally agree with you, especially about the hair comments! Me and my partner are both alternative and I guess narrow minded people would call us "goths", and when my friends found out I was pregnant with a boy I got ignorant comments like "are you going to let him grow his hair?" and "are you going to get his ears pierced?" which really annoyed me. What has that got do with anything? I remarked that if it was what he wanted when he was the right age to get his ears pierced then yes, of course I would let him, to which they responded "he's going to be gay!" I don't understand! My partner has both long hair and pierced ears and he is obviously not gay! My brothers were little ruffians growing up, they climbed trees, played with cars and video games, liked football etc, but they also had a feminine side which my Mum encouraged- one brother used to like dressing up in my skirts and dresses to role play with me, the same one used to doll himself up with hair gel and body spray so he "looked good", one was and still is very into musicals and singing and acting and the youngest one liked me painting his nails, watching girly films with me and playing with our younger sister's barbies and baby born dolls. I don't see how that could have any negative effect on them, all it taught them was to be themselves, not to be restricted by so called "rules" and to do what makes them happy. My Uncle on the other hand, who is very "old fashioned" and I believe subtly homophobic, would absolutely go mental if either of his two boys shown any side of femininity. They weren't allowed to bake, colour in, sing, dance and even to this day he makes them wear tracksuits, play xbox, watch wrestling and boxing, he even encourages them to leer at women and they're both under the age of 15! He has been heard many times to shout at them for "acting like a queer" and has said if they turn out gay he'll "beat it out of them!" how disgusting! If Jared is gay, I would have no problem with it at all! I'd rather him be happy!

    I also agree about the hair cuts by the way- I find little boys with gorgeous long locks so very adorable!

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    1. Thank you for your comments, It is a shame when people like your Uncle react in that way, if one of his boys happens to be gay they would feel totally awful and try to hide it. I think allowing children to grow up and experience everything just maes them much more rounded, it most certainly can not make them gay.

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  18. What a brilliant post. I haven't had the 'you'll make him gay' but i have had the ' oh you wanted a girl really' because my son has very long hair. Your entire post says what I feel.

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