Growing up

I feel like I say this all the time- but I really can't believe how quickly the years have passed and how quickly my children have turned from babies to toddler to these amazing little people who I am constantly watching and wondering what life will bring them.

Chloe is 10 now.  Jake 11.

I am not sure I am a great parent to older children, I really do find it harder now, than when they were younger.

I by nature am soft, a push over even. I have always been so, when they were young it was all about the fun. I  never really raised my voice, never left them to cry themselves to sleep at night, never forced the issue of shoes outside, everything was new and fun and exciting we danced in the rain, sang and span round in circles - Daily.

 I never made them finish their meals. I let their hair grow wild and left them with sticky fingers and dirty faces. No tears or tantrums just smiles and fun, it was always easy to entertain and distract. They, from the outside, may have ran rings around me, but our house was always full of laughter.

Now they are older, I always sort of hoped the mutal respect, the ease and allowing them to learn themselves would pay off. I hopped that the fun and laughter would continue. But then they grow up just a little, and the songs and the swings and the laughter fades.. when is it that you get too old to dance in the rain?

My easy going approach did work,  in some respects, they are great kids most of the time. But boy do they push the boundaries and now as these mini people I am impatient for them to want to tow the line abit more, to be more responsible for their actions. I am conscious of the way they behave and find myself shouting at them a whole lot more, raised voices, and complaints. Not so much fun.And I miss them easy years.

I think, perhaps, I  expect too much of them, its almost like because they have passed from the child stage that I am not quite sure what they should behave like now. But then I remember they are not gorwn up yet.

And for that I am so grateful,  I do not want them to waste away their childhood, or forget how to play. Not yet.

I want them to relish the next few years,  learn of course, and grow but I do want them - and me, to find a way to have fun whilst they do that, and I hope, I hope so much that as they grow up and forget how fun it is  to be a bit silly, they don't forget how fun it was.